We know the power of a role model. When we see someone like us succeeding at something we want to succeed at, we feel validated and can see for ourselves that what we dream of is possible. There is proof, and maybe even a template or a roadmap to follow. You could ask yourself: what would my role model do in this situation? And there’s your path forward.
But not everyone will have a role model. Think about it: every pioneer, every person that was the first would not have had a ready-made role model to follow. That’s why they were the first.
Not having a role model is no excuse to give up on your dreams. So what can you do if you don’t have a clear choice for a role model? Create your own. Yup, make someone up.
You could draw from the different people around you. Who do you admire? Who do you look up to? What is it about them that might make you say: as far as this thing goes, I wish I could be more like this person.
One example for me is a colleague of mine. I just admire how she can very calmly but very clearly set expectations – not just with the team she works with but with customers as well. She doesn’t shy away from making sure that everyone understands what is expected of them, what their responsibilities are. It makes for a much easier working relationship when expectations are clear. So that is a quality I really admire and try to emulate myself.
But this colleague of mine is not a complete role model for me. To begin with, she works in sales – something I could never see myself doing. She also has a very different approach to work – I prefer to set my boundaries more tightly than she does. And her overall goals are different from mine. But I can still take some of her qualities that I do admire and assign that to my custom-made role model.
And I can keep doing this as I look around at those that I work with, friends and even fictional characters. I can take the best parts of them, the parts of them that I would want for myself, and create my very own role model.
Be clear about the description of this role model. Flesh out their personality, their character. Maybe give them a name. Creating that clarity helps you see this made-up person as a full person, a real person. This is not unlike people identifying with different characters in TV sitcoms. Even if they are fictional characters, we know them well enough to figure out how they would react to certain situations.
And that’s what you want with your made-up role model. You want to know this “person” enough to be able to ask yourself: how would this person deal with this situation? And when you know the answer, there’s your path forward.
